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Real Love?
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4Love
is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does
not boast, it is not proud. 5It
is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily
angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love
does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
7It always protects, always
trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8Love
never fails(NIV)
This passage from the Bible is very
well known. It's often read out at weddings. People
hear it and say, 'oh that's nice', but much of the
time, we just read it and just think that it's a
nice peice of writing. It's nice to hear, but I'd
like to go in to one interpretation of it. To illustrate
my point about love and sticking with the relationship
theme, I'm going to use a short fictional story.
Let's set the scene. Mike and Rachael
have been friends for ages and started dating each
other three months ago to this day. The first half
is Mike's story, followed closely by Rachael's.
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Mike:
I'd been thinking. It was coming
up to our three month anniversary and I thought
that Rachael and I should go and do something.
So I thought. I thought of heaps of things
we could do, bowling, rollerblading, skiing
and even mini golf. There were so many things
we could do that cost money, but I thought
we woud do something special. So I called
her up and suggested going out to dinner.
'Sure' she says. Everything was great. After
our nice meal at the local Italian restauran
and a little present she'd bought me, I took
Rach a short way up a mountain and put a small
blindfold on her. Then I lead her out to a
view that overlooks the city. She was totally
awed! It was and still is one of my favourite
places that I love to go. When I was younger,
as a kid, my family used to take us all on
holidays and often go to lookouts, so it was
pretty special, and to me too. On this night,
there were lights as far as the eye can see
and it was beautiful. We were sitting there
just talking for a while, and Rach turned
to me and thanked me for bringing her up there.
As a guy, I humbly accepted her thanks, as
you do. But then she did something I totally
wasn't ready for. She kissed me! It was amazing!
After being up there for what seemed not long
enough, it started getting cold so we came
back to town. I pulled up to her house and
like a gentleman opened her door and walked
her to her front gate. We both said goodnight
and I drove home with a big goofy grin on
my face.
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The next day at 7:02am my best
mate Robert rang and woke me almost dying
to know what happened. I found it pretty strange,
'cause I don't remember telling him that I
was doing anything. I was the only one home
all that night, so my family couldn't have
given him my alaby. So he says to me, "Hey
mate, so, tell me!?! Could you count the cars
from that mountain last night?!?!?? From what
I hear it was a night to remember?!!! Am I
right???"
"Huh? What? Who told you?",
I said.
"Well, John told me who
was told by his girl who I think was told
by your gal."
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'Great', I thought. 'Who else knows
then...'. I couldn't believe what I was hearing,
so I told him, "Rob, it's 7 o'clock. Talk to
you later. Bye". I hung the phone up. I knew
Rob wanted to know more about what happened, but
at that time of the morning, his voice wasn't the
first thing I exactly wanted to hear. So I squashed
his big ego and hung up. After a quick chuckle,
my heart sank. Even though I was still in bed, my
heart physically didn't have too much further to
go, but I tell you, it felt like it did. I started
thinking again in disbelief. 'Did it not mean anything
to Rachael last night, that she'd go and tell everyone
what we did? I thought that it was our moment.'
I felt pretty bummed, so I got up and ate a big
bowl of coco pops, to wallow in.
This sort of thing happens all the
time in our world today. This story is all too common.
But saying this, I'm not trying to be bias to the
girls with this one as I know guys can do exactly
the same thing. But let's now look at the story
from Rachael's point of view and see how it went
for her.
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Rachael:
Well, I was talking to Stacey
on the phone and it happened! Since we have
call waiting, I swapped over to the other
call and I knew who's voice it was without
him even having to say who it was. It was
Mike. My guy. He sounded his usual happy self
and brightened up even more after hearing
me. He wanted to know what I was doing that
night. I wasn't really doing anything big,
probably just be going to watch a movie with
Stace. So I said yes and it was settled.
That night, I got dressed up
and tried to look my best for him. I had a
little blue dress on with small random dots
and a small black wool cardigan which I'd
picked up shopping with mum the other week.
I think it was a pretty cool outfit. Seven
o'clock came and Mike came and picked me up
and we went out. We arrived at a little Italian
restaurant, "Po-Joes" I think it
was called. He knows how much I love that
sort of food. It was so good spending time
with him, and so I thought it right that I'd
give him a small present. It took Stacey and
I ages to find it, 'cause guys are so hard
to buy presents for. But it was worth it when
I gave it to him. It was a small gold chain
with a cross. I thought it'd look good on
him. When I put it on, I was proven right.
It was pretty cool. After tea, we took a hike
up a hill. I didn't want to go all that much,
but because Mike wanted to I went.
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It had been a hot day and was
starting to cool down pretty quickly. As we
were nearing the top. Mike stopped and asked
if he could put a small blind fold on me.
I was a little nervous, but I thought, 'why
not have a little adventure in your life gal',
so I let him.
Then taking his hand as not
to trip, he lead me out and then we stopped.
He took off the blind fold and it was amazing!
The view was breath taking. He took me out
to a look out that I didn't even know existed
and I'd been living in town for so long! I
could see about a hundred miles for sure!
It was so sweet of him to do that for me.
It made me want to kiss him. So I did! We
had the best time that night. As much as I
would have liked to stay up there much longer
and had that moment for ever, it was getting
late and colder, so we went back down.
We pulled up to my house and
Mike opened my door. Then he walked me to
my front gate. We kissed and said goodnight.
I thanked him for the night and went inside
all wooed from him. It was so not like me,
but I did.
I ran to my room and just had
to tell Stacey all about the night. I
probably told her more than I should have,
but she wanted to know everything! It made
me feel so good being able to tell her too,
'cause I know that her and her boyfriend still
haven't even gone on a date!
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The story will continue on later,
but let's look at what has happened and see where
the love really is or is really lacking.
Looking at the verse again, we can
see a few things about this couple and their attitude
toward what they think love is about.
4Love
is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it
does not boast, it is not proud. 5It
is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not
easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
6Love does not delight in
evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It
always protects, always trusts, always hopes,
always perseveres. 8Love
never fails(NIV)~I Corinthians 13:4-8a.
Click
here to open the few definitions about each word
of the verse.
I'm just going to go through only
a few things in the verse about Mike and Rachael's
date.
Love is kind:
Both Mike and Rachael did a really kind
thing for each other. Mike took Rachael out to
eat her favourite food at the local Italian Restaurant,
and she gave him a gold chain with a cross on
it. We could go on for ages about what they both
did that was kind and nice like the whole night
and stuff, but I'll leave it at just those few.
It does not envy:
Rachael's friend Stacey was rather envious and
jealous about what Mike did. Although her and
her boyfriend have been together longer than Mike
and Rachael, she is very jealous and a little
discouraged that she can't have that same 'royalty
treatment'.
It does not boast:
What Rachael did, was not love. As soon as
she went home, she went and told Stacey all about
what her and Mike did on the date, knowing very
well that she'd be jealous, thus giving her a
greater reason to boast.
It is not proud:
Rachael once again did her little thing
and was very proud of her accomplishments.
These are the only things I'm going
to touch on, as I believe it's rather important.
Yes, we all know how to be kind, but there are
a few other things we shouldn't be, nor should
do as well.
We shouldn't be envious at all like
Stacey was. She had no reason to be. She had a
boyfriend. Even though he may not do a lot for
her, she should still be grateful that she has
one. Philippians 4:11 says that we are to be content
in everything.
I think that the bigger issue here
though is more so about boasting and being proud.
Quite often I hear of people boasting about what
they and their boyfriend/girlfriend did together
on the weekend, like as though they had to prove
something to everyone that they were actually
a couple. It saddens me to have to think that
people are doing stuff with each other just to
impress their own peers.
Love takes time. It's not something
to rush into. Who cares if you are dating someone
for five months and still haven't kissed them.
Physical intimacy is not an issue. Relationships
should not be based on this anyway! It's about
getting to know someone for who they are and not
just to give you pleasure.
Let's cross back once more to Mike
and Stacey and see how they are going.
Mike continued to wonder about Rachael as he
dialled her phone number. She answered it. Mike
didn't know exactly what he was going to say to
her, but he managed to tell her how he felt and
that he was a little disappointed about how everybody
knew what they did. Rachael was glad that he'd
told her and apologised for her behaviour and
vowed to try not to do it again.
Well, Mike and Rachael continued to go out, but
only for a while longer. Things seemed to always
get too complicated and soon they broke up. Rachael
did learn to keep a few things to herself, but
did struggle still. Mike ended up cheating on
her started going out with her best friend, Stacey.
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Don't let your life be like those in this story.
Even though it's a story, it's too true of today.
Too often we aren't satisfied enough and are always
striving for something better, and when we get there,
feel we could do better.
I'm reminded of the apple story. It's a funny concept,
but imagine you are an apple. Now you go out with
someone for a while, and you share a few things
that are special to you with them. So they are in
a way taking a bite out of you, or the apple. That
relationship doesn't work out, and so you do it
again, and people keep on taking a bite out of you.
Pretty soon you won't have anything to offer anyone,
because many people already have a piece of you.
Don't become like the apple. If on your wedding
day you were like this apple, how little will you
have to offer to yourself to your partner for life?
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