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Real Love?
 

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8Love never fails(NIV)

This passage from the Bible is very well known. It's often read out at weddings. People hear it and say, 'oh that's nice', but much of the time, we just read it and just think that it's a nice peice of writing. It's nice to hear, but I'd like to go in to one interpretation of it. To illustrate my point about love and sticking with the relationship theme, I'm going to use a short fictional story.


Let's set the scene. Mike and Rachael have been friends for ages and started dating each other three months ago to this day. The first half is Mike's story, followed closely by Rachael's.


Mike:

I'd been thinking. It was coming up to our three month anniversary and I thought that Rachael and I should go and do something. So I thought. I thought of heaps of things we could do, bowling, rollerblading, skiing and even mini golf. There were so many things we could do that cost money, but I thought we woud do something special. So I called her up and suggested going out to dinner. 'Sure' she says. Everything was great. After our nice meal at the local Italian restauran and a little present she'd bought me, I took Rach a short way up a mountain and put a small blindfold on her. Then I lead her out to a view that overlooks the city. She was totally awed! It was and still is one of my favourite places that I love to go. When I was younger, as a kid, my family used to take us all on holidays and often go to lookouts, so it was pretty special, and to me too. On this night, there were lights as far as the eye can see and it was beautiful. We were sitting there just talking for a while, and Rach turned to me and thanked me for bringing her up there. As a guy, I humbly accepted her thanks, as you do. But then she did something I totally wasn't ready for. She kissed me! It was amazing! After being up there for what seemed not long enough, it started getting cold so we came back to town. I pulled up to her house and like a gentleman opened her door and walked her to her front gate. We both said goodnight and I drove home with a big goofy grin on my face.

The next day at 7:02am my best mate Robert rang and woke me almost dying to know what happened. I found it pretty strange, 'cause I don't remember telling him that I was doing anything. I was the only one home all that night, so my family couldn't have given him my alaby. So he says to me, "Hey mate, so, tell me!?! Could you count the cars from that mountain last night?!?!?? From what I hear it was a night to remember?!!! Am I right???"

"Huh? What? Who told you?", I said.

"Well, John told me who was told by his girl who I think was told by your gal."

'Great', I thought. 'Who else knows then...'. I couldn't believe what I was hearing, so I told him, "Rob, it's 7 o'clock. Talk to you later. Bye". I hung the phone up. I knew Rob wanted to know more about what happened, but at that time of the morning, his voice wasn't the first thing I exactly wanted to hear. So I squashed his big ego and hung up. After a quick chuckle, my heart sank. Even though I was still in bed, my heart physically didn't have too much further to go, but I tell you, it felt like it did. I started thinking again in disbelief. 'Did it not mean anything to Rachael last night, that she'd go and tell everyone what we did? I thought that it was our moment.' I felt pretty bummed, so I got up and ate a big bowl of coco pops, to wallow in.


This sort of thing happens all the time in our world today. This story is all too common. But saying this, I'm not trying to be bias to the girls with this one as I know guys can do exactly the same thing. But let's now look at the story from Rachael's point of view and see how it went for her.


Rachael:

Well, I was talking to Stacey on the phone and it happened! Since we have call waiting, I swapped over to the other call and I knew who's voice it was without him even having to say who it was. It was Mike. My guy. He sounded his usual happy self and brightened up even more after hearing me. He wanted to know what I was doing that night. I wasn't really doing anything big, probably just be going to watch a movie with Stace. So I said yes and it was settled.

That night, I got dressed up and tried to look my best for him. I had a little blue dress on with small random dots and a small black wool cardigan which I'd picked up shopping with mum the other week. I think it was a pretty cool outfit. Seven o'clock came and Mike came and picked me up and we went out. We arrived at a little Italian restaurant, "Po-Joes" I think it was called. He knows how much I love that sort of food. It was so good spending time with him, and so I thought it right that I'd give him a small present. It took Stacey and I ages to find it, 'cause guys are so hard to buy presents for. But it was worth it when I gave it to him. It was a small gold chain with a cross. I thought it'd look good on him. When I put it on, I was proven right. It was pretty cool. After tea, we took a hike up a hill. I didn't want to go all that much, but because Mike wanted to I went.

It had been a hot day and was starting to cool down pretty quickly. As we were nearing the top. Mike stopped and asked if he could put a small blind fold on me. I was a little nervous, but I thought, 'why not have a little adventure in your life gal', so I let him.

Then taking his hand as not to trip, he lead me out and then we stopped. He took off the blind fold and it was amazing! The view was breath taking. He took me out to a look out that I didn't even know existed and I'd been living in town for so long! I could see about a hundred miles for sure! It was so sweet of him to do that for me. It made me want to kiss him. So I did! We had the best time that night. As much as I would have liked to stay up there much longer and had that moment for ever, it was getting late and colder, so we went back down.

We pulled up to my house and Mike opened my door. Then he walked me to my front gate. We kissed and said goodnight. I thanked him for the night and went inside all wooed from him. It was so not like me, but I did.

I ran to my room and just had to tell Stacey all about the night. I probably told her more than I should have, but she wanted to know everything! It made me feel so good being able to tell her too, 'cause I know that her and her boyfriend still haven't even gone on a date!


The story will continue on later, but let's look at what has happened and see where the love really is or is really lacking.

Looking at the verse again, we can see a few things about this couple and their attitude toward what they think love is about.

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8Love never fails(NIV)~I Corinthians 13:4-8a.

Click here to open the few definitions about each word of the verse.

I'm just going to go through only a few things in the verse about Mike and Rachael's date.

Love is kind:
Both Mike and Rachael did a really kind thing for each other. Mike took Rachael out to eat her favourite food at the local Italian Restaurant, and she gave him a gold chain with a cross on it. We could go on for ages about what they both did that was kind and nice like the whole night and stuff, but I'll leave it at just those few.

It does not envy:
Rachael's friend Stacey was rather envious and jealous about what Mike did. Although her and her boyfriend have been together longer than Mike and Rachael, she is very jealous and a little discouraged that she can't have that same 'royalty treatment'.

It does not boast:
What Rachael did, was not love. As soon as she went home, she went and told Stacey all about what her and Mike did on the date, knowing very well that she'd be jealous, thus giving her a greater reason to boast.

It is not proud: Rachael once again did her little thing and was very proud of her accomplishments.

These are the only things I'm going to touch on, as I believe it's rather important. Yes, we all know how to be kind, but there are a few other things we shouldn't be, nor should do as well.

We shouldn't be envious at all like Stacey was. She had no reason to be. She had a boyfriend. Even though he may not do a lot for her, she should still be grateful that she has one. Philippians 4:11 says that we are to be content in everything.

I think that the bigger issue here though is more so about boasting and being proud. Quite often I hear of people boasting about what they and their boyfriend/girlfriend did together on the weekend, like as though they had to prove something to everyone that they were actually a couple. It saddens me to have to think that people are doing stuff with each other just to impress their own peers.

Love takes time. It's not something to rush into. Who cares if you are dating someone for five months and still haven't kissed them. Physical intimacy is not an issue. Relationships should not be based on this anyway! It's about getting to know someone for who they are and not just to give you pleasure.

Let's cross back once more to Mike and Stacey and see how they are going.


Mike continued to wonder about Rachael as he dialled her phone number. She answered it. Mike didn't know exactly what he was going to say to her, but he managed to tell her how he felt and that he was a little disappointed about how everybody knew what they did. Rachael was glad that he'd told her and apologised for her behaviour and vowed to try not to do it again.

Well, Mike and Rachael continued to go out, but only for a while longer. Things seemed to always get too complicated and soon they broke up. Rachael did learn to keep a few things to herself, but did struggle still. Mike ended up cheating on her started going out with her best friend, Stacey.


Don't let your life be like those in this story. Even though it's a story, it's too true of today. Too often we aren't satisfied enough and are always striving for something better, and when we get there, feel we could do better.

I'm reminded of the apple story. It's a funny concept, but imagine you are an apple. Now you go out with someone for a while, and you share a few things that are special to you with them. So they are in a way taking a bite out of you, or the apple. That relationship doesn't work out, and so you do it again, and people keep on taking a bite out of you. Pretty soon you won't have anything to offer anyone, because many people already have a piece of you. Don't become like the apple. If on your wedding day you were like this apple, how little will you have to offer to yourself to your partner for life?

©Copyright 2002-2005, Stephen Monro Site Map Legal Last updated on Sunday, 4 September, 2005 9:13