Suicide: Preventing it, helping those left behind

Suicide has long been a taboo topic in the church. But times are changing as more churches develop ways to help people who are suicidal and support those whose lives have been forever changed by the suicide of a friend or family member. Dr. Lawrence Russell Taylor has written an essay titled Thoughts on Suicide and offers the following advice on dealing with this difficult issue.

While recognizing that many suicides defy explanation and others do not fit into any specific categories, it appears, based on the best available evidence that the most common causes of suicide include:

1. Agitation, anger and/or anguish coupled with impulsivity.

2. The collected stress of difficult circumstances out of which the individual can see no hope of relief.

3. Depression.

4. Mental illness.

5. Drug and alcohol abuse.

6. A family history of suicide.

7. Occult/violent games and themes in literature, music and entertainment.

8. Access to lethal weapons.

How to help

How then can we help those around us who may be suicidal?

1. First, determine the lethality of the one to whom you are speaking. If a person has a viable plan with which to kill themselves, as opposed to a vague unspecified death wish, and has the means to carry out that plan, they are highly lethal and should not be left alone. Instead, accompany them as quickly as possible to a mental health clinic, psychologist or psychiatrist who can assess the need and take appropriate action.

2. Next, remove any means of committing suicide as much as you are able - clear the person's home of guns and lethal weapons, alcohol and drugs, for example.

3. Third, make the person aware of the sinfulness of her decision, and of its devastating and life-long effect on loved ones.

4. Fourth, give them hope in the form of the Good News of Jesus Christ, who alone can fix any problem, and turn around any life. He is able to restore, forgive and redeem in the most adverse of circumstances.

5. Help the person locate, afford, get involved with, and stay committed to high quality professional psychological and/or psychiatric intervention, including the diligent use of prescribed medications.

6. Over the long term, be a friend -- supportive, caring, listening to feelings, concerned, and forgiving of wrongs without allowing the suicidal individual to become unhealthfully dependent on you.

7. Finally, involve yourself in the greater community-wide effort to reduce the number of suicides. What, then are the practical steps individual Christians and congregations of believers can take to help reduce the number of people who choose to end their lives?

How to reduce the incidence of suicide

• We can arrange our own homes, and encourage others to arrange theirs, so that no child, teen-ager, or impulsive, depressed, or mentally ill adult can ever have any access to firearms. We need to be certain that not only are our homes gun-proof, but that the homes our children and teen-agers visit are as well.
  
  
• We need to clear our homes of any Internet, television, video, musical, or other reference to the occult, suicidal ideation, and violent material.
  
  
• Together, we can campaign for and politically support candidates and legislation that will restrict the access of teen-agers and children to lethal weapons, reduce the graphic violent content of music, videos, games, television and the World Wide Web, and increase suicide prevention interventions in communities.
  
  
• We can use our influence as family members, clergy and co-workers to strongly urge those around us who appear agitated or depressed to seek medical intervention and faithfully take any medication prescribed.
  
  
• Together, we can campaign and lobby for an ubiquitous variety of effective interventions ranging from advertising and educational campaigns to treatment options, targeted at reducing substance abuse, particularly alcoholism.
  
  
• On the local level, we can influence the public and private schools in our neighborhoods to open their doors to suicide prevention and anti-violence education taught by both experts and people who have been personally affected by suicide.
  
  
• We can strive for more solid marital commitment to prevent divorce and family dissolution by teaching coping techniques to married couples.
  
  
• We can teach our children and the adults in our churches the sinfulness of suicide, and its devastating effect on those left behind.
  
  How to help in the aftermath of a suicide
  
  In spite of our best efforts and most fervent prayers, some suicides will not be prevented, and loved ones will be left behind to cope as best they can. When a person in your circle of acquaintances loses a loved one to suicide, you can help by:
  
  1. Being present with the bereaved person -- just be there; you do not need to know what to say, in fact, you do not need to say anything, just be there and stay there; hold them, cry with them, hug them, weep with those who weep.
  
  2. Doing little things to help. When a loved one dies suddenly and tragically, we often feel overwhelmed and in a state of shock that makes even the most menial tasks difficult to accomplish. Having someone there to take out the trash, fix the meals, wash the dishes, do the laundry, pay the bills, and change the oil in the car, can be a great comfort.
  
  3. Knowing the stages of grief. Bereaved people universally feel hurt, sorrow, sadness, loneliness, loss, emptiness, isolation, confusion, anger, intrapsychic pain, fear, anxiety, numbness, seasons of denial, self-blame, victimized, and hopeless. Because everyone is an individual and no one had precisely the same relationship to the deceased. It is normal for bereaved parents who have lost a child suddenly and unexpectedly to feel these feelings intensely for at least five years after the death of their child. Spouses typically feel these losses for at least three years. There is no time-limit in grief -- people need to feel whatever they are feeling for as long as they feel it, and they need to have someone with them for the journey who accepts the validity of those feelings, is nonjudgmental and forgiving, and can offer more love and support than hollow answers or well intentioned Bible verses.
  
  4. Reading the Bible. I have discovered personally and seen it confirmed in the lives of others, that most often believers are most profoundly affected by the Book of Psalms as they journey through the difficult work of grief, because the Psalms contain the entire spectrum of human emotion without religious platitude.
  
  If we are willing to courageously face the problem of suicide directly, and collectively confront it politically, pedagogically, sociologically, psychologically, medically, and religiously, we will positively impact our world with the healing ramifications of the Gospel by which we live. In this process, we can save lives and alleviate the suffering of the bereaved around us.
  
  
  Read Pastor Taylor's commentary on the Church's Response to Suicide
  
  Excerpted from "Thoughts on Suicide", �Copyright 2000 by Lawrence Russell Taylor, Ph.D. Dr. Taylor is an ordained American Baptist pastor with an earned doctorate degree in psychology. He is currently pastoring Harbor Lights Chapel, a new church plant in Newport Beach, California. Dr. and Mrs. Taylor have five children - the oldest went to be with Christ in 1986, two married daughters, a married son, and a daughter at home. He can be contacted through www.harborlights.org. ~Taken from Crosswalk.com