Copyright unknown.
| ONE: |
The 'Story of Noah'. |
| TWO: |
Noah was a remarkable
man. |
| ONE: |
Noah was a blunt man. |
| TWO: |
He was dropped as a baby. |
| ONE: |
Noah was the least successful
preacher in the history of the world. |
| TWO: |
But he was very good with
animals. |
| TOGETHER: |
Very good with animals! |
| TWO: |
And God said: |
| ONE: |
'Noah, I've heard you're
good with animals.' |
| TWO: |
And Noah said: |
| NOAH: |
'Yea, Lord, I am also
keen on wild flowers, but mine earnest desire is to
be a preacher of thy righteous word. |
| ONE: |
And God said: |
| TWO: |
'Fair enough, Noah, I
has seen your righteousness.' |
| NOAH: |
'Yet, O Lord, it troubleth
me exceeding great that my preaching of thy word doth
fall on stony ground.' |
| ONE: |
'Let me explain, Noah.' |
| NOAH: |
'Speak, Lord, for thy
servant is all ears.' |
| TWO: |
'The first problem is
your quirky use of the Authorised Version, which is
highly alienating to the modern culture.' |
| ONE: |
And Noah said: |
| NOAH: |
'Fair enough, Lord, I
picked it up in prayer meetings.' |
| TWO: |
But God said: |
| ONE: |
'However, that is nothing
compared with the violence and corruption that have
hardened men's hearts. |
| TWO: |
'Now listen carefully.' |
| NOAH: |
'Yea, er, yes, Lord.' |
| ONE: |
'I have lost patience
with the wickedness of mankind.' |
| TWO: |
'I have decided to destroy
all the human race. (NOAH looks crestfallen) |
| ONE: |
'Except... you and your
family. (NOAH cheers up) |
| TWO: |
'For you are the only
ones on the earth who serve me.' |
| NOAH: |
'Lord, you have really
encouraged me by saying that.' |
| ONE: |
And God said: |
| TWO: |
'To be safe, you'll have
to build yourself a boat.' |
| NOAH: |
'Right, Lord, a boat.' |
| ONE: |
'A very large boat.' |
| NOAH: |
'Large boat, yup.' (Making
notes) |
| TWO: |
'In the middle of the
desert.' |
| NOAH: |
(Writing)'In the
middle of the desert. (He hesitates) Um, why,
would that be, Lord?' |
| ONE: |
'Because that's the only
way that you and your family can be saved.' |
| NOAH: |
'Aha. I see! (He obviously
doesn't) Shall I consult my psychiatrist now, or
after I've built the boat in the middle of the desert?' |
| TWO: |
'Noah, I am going to cause
a mighty flood to cover the whole earth as judgement
for man's wickedness.' |
| NOAH: |
'Ah! Flood, desert, boat,
float. Yes, I see it all!' |
| ONE: |
'Well, would you go an
do it all.' |
| NOAH: |
'Right, Lord.' |
| TWO: |
God told Noah to build
himself an ark. |
| HAM: |
(Entering with a small
painted rainbow) 'Hey, I've got an arc!' |
| ONE: |
Not that sort of arc. |
| HAM: |
'Oh, sorry. Is this for
later on?' |
| TWO: |
Yes, that's the wrong
prop. That comes at the end. |
| HAM: |
'Fine. (He turns to
leave) I'll keep it out them, shall I? |
| ONE: |
(Loosing patience)
Yes! (Recovering) So God told Noah to build himself
an - |
| HAM: |
(Shouting from offstage)
'I'm putting it on the table.' |
| ONE: |
AN ARK! |
| TWO: |
So Noah set to work with
his three sons, |
| ONE: |
Shem, (Enter SHEM) |
| TWO: |
HAM (Enter HAM) |
| ONE: |
And Japheth. (Enter
JAPTHETH) |
| TWO: |
Who wath the youngestht. |
| ONE: |
Thank you. |
| TWO: |
Jutht my little joke. |
| ONE: |
Shut up! |
| TWO: |
Thorry. |
| ONE: |
Noah got the plans from
God. |
| TWO: |
It was to be built of
gopher wood. |
| ONE: |
So Ham, Shem and Japheth
got on with the building. (There is a period of intense
activity. The three lads work with a will, while NOAH
peers into his notebook and orders everyone about) |
| TWO: |
Noah did the calculations, |
| ONE: |
Shem planed the planks, |
| TWO: |
Japheth jigged the joists |
| ONE: |
Ham hammered the nails.
(The stand back to survey their work) |
| TWO: |
Together they built themselves
a tall, thin structure, not unlike a telegraph pole. |
| ONE: |
So... (More frantic
activity) |
| TWO: |
Shem deplaned the planks, |
| ONE: |
Japheth rejigged the joists, |
| TWO: |
Ham unhammered the nails, |
| ONE: |
And Noah was taken off
the calculations altogether. |
| TOGETHER: |
But he was very good with
animals! (SHEM, HAM and JAPHETH continue to
build the ark. NOAH comes downstage to talk to
God) |
| TWO: |
And talking of animals, |
| ONE: |
God said to Noah: |
| TWO: |
'Hey, Noah, you're good
with animals. |
| ONE: |
'Round up two of every
species, |
| TWO: |
'Animals, birds and creeping
things, |
| ONE: |
'Clean and unclean, |
| TWO: |
'Every kind of creature |
| ONE: |
'And bring them into the
ark.' |
| TWO: |
And Noah said: |
| NOAH: |
'Lord, I think you may
have forgotten something. The fish. (Pause) But
on the other hand, thinking about it, I may have
forgotten something which is the fact that fish can
swim ... and they may in fact quite enjoy the whole
... um ... experience. So fine. Yup. I see it all.' |
| ONE: |
And God said: |
| TWO: |
'Well, would you just
go and do it all.' |
| NOAH: |
'Right, Lord. I'll be
hurrying along then.' (Exit NOAH) |
| ONE: |
Meanwhile, back at the
ark. |
| TWO: |
The building continued. |
| ONE: |
The whole ark was waterproofed
with boiled pitch. |
| TWO: |
Shem held up the brush, |
| ONE: |
Japheth held up the ladder |
| TWO: |
And Ham held up the progress. |
| ONE: |
But in spite of this, |
| TWO: |
The ark was finished |
| ONE: |
And Noah returned |
| TWO: |
Having completed his mighty
word of conservation. (He enters) |
| TWO: |
Noah had collected all
the animals. |
| ONE: |
The birds of the air, |
| TWO: |
The beasts of the field |
| ONE: |
And every creeping thing
that creeps upon the earth. |
| ONE: |
Every creature entered
the ark. |
| TWO: |
The big ones |
| ONE: |
Two by two by two; |
| TWO: |
The little ones |
| ONE: |
Two by two by two; |
| TWO: |
The tiny ones |
| ONE: |
Two by two by two; |
| TWO: |
The tiny weeny ones |
| ONE: |
So, finally, |
| TWO: |
When they were all in, |
| ONE: |
Checked |
| TWO: |
And double-checked, |
| ONE: |
Stabled, |
| TWO: |
Kennelled |
| ONE: |
And perched, |
| TWO: |
God shut the great gopher-wood
door. |
| TWO: |
Outside, crowds of people
in sunglasses, |
| ONE: |
Sipping lemonade, |
| TWO: |
Mocked and jeered |
| ONE: |
Until... |
| TWO: |
Rumble, rumble. |
| ONE: |
Storm clouds approached, |
| TWO: |
The sky darkened, |
| ONE: |
The horizon vanished, |
| TWO: |
Torrential rain lashed
the desert. |
| ONE: |
Empty riverbeds were engulfed
in foaming waters |
| ONE: |
And the people cried out
to Noah. |
| TWO: |
('Burbling' his
lips with his hand) 'Hey! Noah! Any chance of a late
booking? |
| ONE: |
(Also burbling)
'I believe! I believe... I believe I'm drowning!' |
| TWO: |
But the door was shut. |
| ONE: |
And the ark rose high
above the land. |
| TWO: |
For forty days |
| ONE: |
And forty nights |
| TWO: |
It was carried on the
waters of the flood. |
| ONE: |
Inside the ark |
| TWO: |
It was cosy, |
| ONE: |
It was dry, |
| TWO: |
It was warm. |
| ONE: |
(Holding nose)
Too warm. |
| TWO: |
It was extremely close |
| ONE: |
And Noah opened all the
portholes |
| TWO: |
And noticed that the rain
had stopped. |
| ONE: |
He let out a great whoop, |
| TWO: |
But it couldn't swim. |
| ONE: |
So he tried a raven. |
| TWO: |
That couldn't swim either, |
| ONE: |
But it could fly, |
| TWO: |
And it flew back an fourth
across the water |
| ONE: |
Looking for dry land. |
| ONE: |
His last attempt was a
dove, |
| TWO: |
Which returned to the
ark carrying an olive branch. |
| ONE: |
He knew that the waters
had abated. |
| TWO: |
He called his family: |
| TWO: |
And let them all out of
the ark. |
| ONE: |
Then Noah |
| TWO: |
And his family |
| ONE: |
Knelt down on top of the
mountain |
| TWO: |
And thanked God for delivering
them from judgement. |
| ONE: |
And God Said: |
| TWO: |
Never again will I curse
the ground because of men, |
| ONE: |
Even though every inclination
of his heart is evil from childhood. |
| TWO: |
And never again will I
destroy all living creatures as I have done. |
| ONE: |
As long as the earth endures, |
| TWO: |
Seedtime and harvest, |
| ONE: |
Cold and heat, |
| TWO: |
Summer and Winter. |
| ONE: |
Day and night |
| TWO: |
will never cease. |
| ONE: |
I will set my rainbow
in the clouds. |
| SHEM: |
'Hey, where's the rainbow?' |
| JAPTHETH |
'Somebody brought it on
earlier.' |
| NOAH: |
'Ham?' |
| HAM: |
'Yeah?' |
| NOAH: |
'The rainbow.' |
| HAM: |
'What, the one on the
table?' |
| NOAH: |
'Yes.' |
| TWO: |
And whenever the rainbow
appears in the clouds... |
| ONE: |
(Firmly) And whenever
the RAINBOW appears in the clouds... (Exit HAM,
sheepishly) |
| TWO: |
I will see it. |
| ONE: |
I will see it!
(Re-enter HAM with rainbow) |
| TWO: |
And remember the everlasting
covenant (HAM holds it up above the group) |
| ONE: |
Between God |
| TWO: |
And all living creatures |
| ONE: |
Of every kind |
| TWO: |
On the earth. |
